While You Were Working

I called Espen (the Norwegian) late last night/this morning (about 7:15 AM his time). He told me he's been watching the news ever since the day before Katrina hit and every day since, and that he's "had a lot of thoughts about me". He asked about me and my house, and I assured him we're both fine. He asked, "how's it hanging?" (That's how he'd greet me every morning while I was in Norway.) I told him I was fine, but things are chaotic, given the circumstances. I shared that I was picking up Marcelle today and told him what happened with her mother & that she'd be staying with me for a while b/c of the storm. He said, "and I'm sure you'll take good care of her." He does know just how much I care for her.

I asked him how he's been doing and he said he was good and that he wasn't thinking any more about bad things. I mentioned that he didn't seem very happy the last time I saw him. He said he was probably just exhausted. I mentioned that I was tired now and that Marcelle & I would probably take a trip to Brazil when things calm down, just to get some rest. He said that he & Petter are planning a surfing vacation in November, but that it was just a week, but he's looking forward to it. I didn't comment.

He said he was just waking up and that he'd just hit the snooze alarm again when I called. He said that it's really getting cold in Norway now and that when it gets cold Norwegians don't like to get out of bed and go to work. He then asked me how many times I hit the snooze alarm in the morning. I said, "I don't sleep with an alarm clock." He said, "Right. What a [stupid] question. I should've remembered that." "No, that wasn't a stupid question," I replied. I told him to go ahead and get ready for work since I knew he had to go. He said it was great hearing my voice. I couldn't think of what to say & just said, "yeah". He said, "Be good," to which I replied, "I always am." He said, "Yeah, you always are." He closed with, "I'll talk to you later."

I hung up the phone feeling like picking it up, calling him back and asking "So, are we going to be friends?" Or even more so asking, "What the hell happened in Norway?!" He was cool but cordial on the phone, so I don't know if he was waiting for some cue from me or what. I have the feeling that if he wants to talk to me again he'll call. He never mentioned the thank you note I sent, and he never said he'd tried to call. That's a "He's Just Not That Into You" sign if I've ever seen one.

A couple of my girlfriends have suggested I put myself out there & just ask him. That's what I've done in the past, but something's different about him. The way we met was perfect...and it's likely because I did exactly what God told me to do on the steps of that chuch...wait. Asking him what happened feels right to my nature, but it doesn't feel like it falls in line with how we started. Even when Espen said, "Can't you just trust me?" I heard God and not him. I feel as if God's asking me to wait & trust Him, which is totally against my nature. I feel as if God's trying to shape my nature to prepare me for the right person...even if Espen isn't the right person.

I'm beginning to realize that if I want something different from what I've had before I'm going to have to do things different from what I've done before. That's how Espen & I met in the first place (I was walking strictly on faith in God). Espen may just be evidence of the first step. Now I need to trust God completely and be patient while He's working...but it sure ain't easy...then again, nothing worth having ever comes easily.