Emotional Caller ID

Right now I'm betting my mother wishes she had emotional caller ID. "What's that?" you ask. Well, it's a fictional option that let's you know not just who's calling before you answer, but how they're feeling as well. I verbally ripped my mom a new one last night (something I’ve been working on & trying not to do…the verbally abusive thing) after my nephew called to tell me when his high school graduation is scheduled for in May. It set off a barrage of sad feelings for me when I remember that my parents taped over my high school graduation video shortly after my graduation (with honors) from a very challenging college preparatory school. It was just another sign of my status in the family (or lack thereof) as the undocumented child.

You know the undocumented child, don’t you? It’s usually the youngest one. Parents get so tired from raising the first one, that each child after that has fewer & fewer pictures & video to record their childhoods. By the last one the parents are so tired they either don’t bother or put forth as little effort as possible to remember that child’s progression. That I can understand, but taping over a child’s high school graduation within less than two weeks?! I’m just sayin’!

My parents made a big deal about my education (a good thing I definitely understand now that I’m raising my own child), but I didn’t quite understand how they could be so careless as to tape over my high school graduation when I worked so hard while forgoing a social life (and subsequently ended up a socially handicapped adult). It seemed like a contradiction of values to me. They wanted to be able to go around talking to their friends’ about my accomplishments, but they didn’t leave anything for me to share with my own child(ren) to encourage him.

I know my parents did the best they could with what they had, and I’m sure my son will one day be angry with me for all the mistakes I’ve made as a mom. That’s why there’s no college fund for him. I’m setting the money aside for therapy instead. Once he’s finished with that, maybe he’ll be emotionally healed enough for college and I won’t need emotional caller ID for him.