Get Used To It

Yesterday evening, just before bedtime Shorty brought me this note (I know it's a stalling tactic, but I have to be available to him to talk). "Um, Mommy, today, someone gave me this, and I think maybe, you might want to read it." He jammed the folded piece of notebook paper into my hand and scurried off to his bedroom.

I cautiously unfolded it with thoughts of the things my older sister had told me she'd overheard girls saying to her middle son on the phone. I just wasn't ready to read some vulgar note to my still innocent 10 year old. I was relieved when I read the text:

"From Someone Important: I [Heart, with the heart shaded in just enough to have a 'window' in the upper right-hand corner] U". I turned towards Shorty's bedroom and asked, "So who's it from?"

"I don't know!" he exclaimed, obviously uncomfortable. "It was just in my desk when I got to school this morning!" I smiled to myself as I remembered the innocence of youth...before sex, alcohol, and emotionally unavailable people.

"Do you recognize the handwriting?" I calmly asked.

"No! I don't really look at people's handwriting!" Shorty retorted.

I thought for a moment. I realized this was important...that he felt just comfortable enough to tell me about it, but not enough to tell me earlier than 10 minutes before bedtime.

"Are there any girls that you like?" I gently asked.

"Not here. There's a girl in FL though," he replied.

"Okay. Who is she?" I inquired.

He told me her name and then changed the subject...another stalling tactic. When it was time for bed, we did "a hug and a kiss goodnight" (something we've always done) and I held him close to me a little longer than usual and said, "You know you can always talk to me about these things." He replied, "Yeah, I know," and trotted off to bed, seemingly satisfied.

After he'd done "lights out", I sat in my backyard ruminating on our conversation. He's always chatty when I pick him up, but in the last several days he'd been upset because his friend James now has a girlfriend (older, mind you) and ever since James became this girl's boyfriend, he's been emotionally unavailable to Shorty. This hurt my son so deeply last week that I spent a good 20 minutes just holding him as he cried, telling him it would be okay. At the end of it, I checked back with Shorty 30 minutes later and asked if he was alright. He said he would just need some time to get over it. Today he told me that James is changing because ever since they became boyfriend and girlfriend, Kallie Mae (James' girlfriend) is not letting him talk to Shorty. "She's controlling him!" Shorty said, half-disgusted & half-amazed. When I shared all of this with my co-workers (both male & female) today, they all laughed with the consensus as, "Tell him to get used to it! That's the way it's supposed to be!"

I wonder if I can get used to being in control of my relationship with Carlos or any man. I've been dancing to someone else's tune for so long, being in control (without dominating) almost seems foreign to me...but for some reason, I think I'm going to like it ;-)