Two Heinekens & One Screaming Orgasm

I ran into Carlos at a dinner at my LA mom's house yesterday evening. It was time for the Pistons/Heat game to start & Carlos wanted to watch it with me. He asked me where I was going & I said I didn't know. He suggested we go to a local restaurant & I agreed to meet him there. We sat at the bar pretty close together and drank Heines while watching the game. There was another couple sitting near us on Carlos' left & they struck up a conversation. We were having a great time when three really big burly dudes came in looking for a place to sit. Carlos & I offered to scoot down a chair so the three of them could sit together. They thanked us and sat on my right. Big burly dude number one then started chatting with me about basketball. After a while, I noticed him glance over my shoulder at Carlos. The look in dude's eye made it clear to me that Carlos was greening (pissing jealousy). With that, I turned my attention back to him & rejoined the conversation with the bayou couple.

While Carlos was taking a bathroom break, bayou man asked me to scoot into Carlos' chair so he could tell me a really bad joke (& it was so bad that I won't put it here). When Carlos returned, he sat in my chair & started talking to the big burly dudes as I continued entertaining the bayou couple. There was more Heineken. Bayou man eventually asked me when Carlos & I were getting married. I told bayou man that Carlos & I were co-workers & just friends. Bayou man didn't buy it & said we should get married. I said that Carlos didn't want to get married. I then shared with him my epiphany in Paris.

"I can order a Heineken in 3 languages, I love basketball, & I hate shopping. Why am I not married?" Bayou man laughed and said, "& you look great!" We continued talking about how great I am and with each cool chick trait I shared with them, bayou man would start cheering my name...loudly {"NJER-I! NJER-I! NJER-I!"} There was more Heineken. So there we were, all drinking, talking, & laughing (I was being my usual charming & funny self), cracking up the bayou couple.

Bayou couple started buying us drinks. Big burly dudes started buying us drinks, and somewhere in the midst of Carlos' conversation with the dudes, I hear big burly dude number one order a round of screaming orgasm shots for Carlos & the group. Now I'm not one for shots, so I was surprised when I rejoined Carlos in conversation with the big burly dudes and saw this in front of me. I told them I wasn't going to drink it, but they insisted. The bartender then said, "Come on...I'm serving you chocolate milk!"

"Oh alright!" I replied. "But before I take this shot, I'm taking a picture of this so that tomorrow, when I wake up feeling like sh!t, I'll know why!" Everyone laughed, I took the shot and we all continued drinking, talking, & laughing. The game ended & it was time to move on. Everyone was closing out their tabs. The bartender looked at Carlos & said, "Are you two together?"

"No," he flatly replied, "but I better say we're together if I want to have one of what we had earlier later tonight," referring to the shot. I looked at him and smiled that "oh you are so not having one of those later tonight" smile & told the bartender, "You can ring those up separately." "No honey. He's paying for everything tonight!" she replied.

So here I am...two Heinekens and one screaming orgasm later. True to the reason I took the picture, I feel like sh!t...physically & emotionally. I realize now that he's been lying to me for 8 years. All the I love yous, all the references to the future, all the hinting about marriage...it was all just "say what you have to say to keep her as an option for sex". In retrospect, that picture illustrates what our 8 year relationship has been based on.

I don't love Carlos any more (and for my friends & family, you can start dancing an Irish jig). I don't even like him...I have no respect for him any more. As for friendship...not a chance, because a friend is someone you know, like, and trust. One out of three does not a friendship make.