Breakdown

I had a sort of nervous breakdown today. I was in the Lab ECOs office talking about nothing (I couldn't concentrate on anything). We were talking about work and everything that's going on when I said, "What am I doing?! I'm really going!" She asked me what was wrong when I started crying and I said, "I don't want to fall in love with this man!" She poignantly replied, "I think a part of you already has." She told me that she knew it was coming because she had heard it in the way I talk about him and that I had hidden it well, but she knew this was coming.

I then instinctively responded (based on one of the 20 things I have listed in a picture frame I have hanging in my bathroom that describes "Being a Succulent Wild Woman"): (bottom of the third row) "Tell the truth faster". In response I very openly said, "Lori, the truth is, I'm afraid I fell in love with him on the first night!"

After whining about all the reasons what I'm doing and the whole situation being insane, she talked me through it with the final advice being, "Go. Have the time of your life."

I feel much better now, having told someone what's been going on inside of me since I came back from Italy. I feel so much more stable now. Espen (the Norwegian) needs to heal. I knew that without him having to tell me, much like Lori knew I have partly fallen in love with him...but I'm going to Norway following my heart, and I'll remember my values while I practice self-preservation. I won't break down again.